A Testimony...

So much has happened in the last few weeks. It's almost insane and makes going back to school not sound like fun. I've enjoyed my time off going to youth group parties getting to know new people and spending time just chillin without homework to do or test to worry about. But I only have one semester left...which is just CRAZY!! Anyway back to the action of this week!

I have been looking for a job since June or July I don't remember when I started really putting applications out there. I went the whole summer and never found anything, I looked through school and made changes to my semester schedule to prepare for having a job and trying to keep my grades up. I put in about 17 applications and only had 4 interviews. I was feeling very disappointed and began to think that maybe God had a different idea. So after the break began I gave up my search. I told God that his will had to be done even though right now I didn't understand it. I told him I understood if he didn't want me to have a job; I would survive and would find a way to pay for the coming months of college applications and tuition. I was a little saddened because I haven't been able to keep my dog's teeth clean and nails clipped, or get anyone anything for Christmas. But I gave it up anyway, I knew God had a plan and it would all work out.

Well Christmas came and went and I enjoyed the time spent with my family. Then on Friday I was reading a book my grandparents got me and my cell phone rang. I looked at it expecting it to be a friend (maybe although none of them call much) but instead it was a number I didn't recognize. I heard this voice in my head telling me to answer. So I did and it turned out to be Build-a-Bear Workshop calling about an application I put in like 2 weeks ago! They set me up for a group interview on Monday. I went and had lots of fun (although there was only like one other person) and an hour and a half later I got another call. It was the manager calling to set up another interview for the next day. So yesterday I went in and had my interview and took this test they take (one girl called it the crazy test) it basically just makes sure you're not going to do anything that could cause major problems. I left with the promise that I would know by about 3 in the afternoon.

In my excitment I called some friends and only one answered. A new friend at the new church and we went and saw a movie. My mom had sent me a text to tell me they had called and I needed to call them back. Alright so now I have to do what I absolutly hate...call someone I don't know well. So my friend keeps trying to convince me to call and keeps encouraging me (although I think she just wanted to know so badly she wanted to be there :) Finally sitting in the car outside my house I called. I was shaking and thought I was going to be sick. She waited in silence as I called and waited for the answer. The AM answered and told me that I had the job and would start tomorrow (now today!!!) So at 1 pm I will start my new job after months of searching!! My friend and I had our own little party and then went shopping for my new work clothes! It's very exciting and they are giving me time to go to church on Sunday and Wednesday and working around my choir schdeule and when I leave for college will keep me a place open for holidays and summer!!! It is really the job God had for me and I couldn't have asked for a better one!! I'm super excited and so thankful!

So really the new year for me is truely a new chance. A new church, a new job, and a new semester. This is my chance to try again and hopefully not end up the way I did last time, be more willing to accept the love others offer, but not forget to offer my love to others as well. Well I go to work in like 2 hours (still to far away I'm so excited) and I should be getting off of here. Thanks to you all!!

Quote: "Anger gets you no where, but stressed" - My sis says no one said it before...but I doubt that...if it's true though then I said it!!

How to Play Guitar...

Alright most (maybe all) of you probably don't know that one of my dreams is to learn to play guitar. My old youth pastor tried to teach me, but once my strings broke that ended. I know one song and even then I don't know when to strum to make it sound good. Today my grandfather redid my strings so I get ot try again. But now idk who to have teach me and really it's kinda hard to get back to it...

Ever since I voiced my desire to learn to play it seems like someone just wants to keep me from reaching my goal. My grandmother, my ex-boyfriend, and a few others always seemed to remind me that I could only learn if I practiced and that my nails would have to be short and that it would hurt my fingers and so on. I'm not one who has a strong sense of self. My closest friend is the one that has stuck with me through it and encouraged me despite it. She has never told me all the things I have to do before I can play, she's never made me feel like an ant under a microscope; she's just encouraged me and said "well maybe one day you can sing and play for me!"

And here it is...Chrsitmas and God and I have been having some nice conversations. I used to complain that I couldn't hear God, until one day I listened. The baby we babysit was crying...no screaming...and I wanted out of the house. So I went ot Hobby Lobby to pick up and application. Once inside though I head this still small voice say "walk with me" So I did; up and down the isles seeing God's works even in dried sponges and sea shells. Ever since his voice has not been a mystery. So today we've been talking, about his plans to protect and prosper me; things that I don't comprehend easily. Today he's been trying to get me to see my beauty and my worth...things I don't see easily. And picking up my un-playable guitar only reminded me of all the reasons I shouldn't.

But there's been a glimmer...ok a bright light...of hope. We are in the process of changing churches, something I wasn't looking forward to. But as I've suddenly found myself accepted by people I've known less than a month it seems that maybe God's promise that I am worth it aren't so elusive. Nearly all my friends are a few years older or younger than me. I've never had a "best friend" that is my age that I spend lots of time with. And I feel that pain almost daily. The people my age usually just leave me. The "best friends" I've had end up not wanting me around. But now with this church change I have people I would consider my friends. And these people encourage me like my older friend mentioned above. I can talk to them and be weird with them and just be myself. And slowly my worth seems like more than I ever considered. DOn;t get me wrong leavng our church is hard; I've had my share of tears, but now laughter is my companion and memories have been made that my sister and I love to talk about.

So maybe I can pick up my guitar. And maybe this time it will turn into an ability to do something I haven't done for 18 years. Maybe I can set aside the painful things said to me by friends, family, and people who hate me. Maybe I can allow God to show me my beauty and my worth. And maybe, just maybe, he'll soon give me the desire of my heart to have a close friend nearer my age. Alright so those are my Chrsitmas thoughts. I have many more, but those will become more organized before I put them on here! :)

Hope you've all had a great day and enjoyed the time spent with family and friends! :)

Good News...and some changes...

Well this weekend was very exciting. We had 5 Parties to go to, 3 of them were with the same people...good thing I like them!!

So I have so super good news that I must share. I wanr you now you may not share so much of my enthusiasm, but I must share cuz it's exciting!! I think most of you know that I am taking the Ap European History class at school. It's taught by my Ap World History teacher whose class I hated. Back then (that was 2 years ago) all I could muster in her class was a C. I determined this year that before I graduate I would have a B in her class, and hopefully even an A. Yeah my dreams were big!! Well after the first six weeks I got my B. I had an 81!! I did it again the second time and got an 87! This time though I didn't get my B...I got a 91!!!!! I never failed a test, in fact I got a B on every test I took, except the final...I got a 90 on that!! I did really well and because of that my GPA should be going up.

Speaking of GPA someone asked me last night if I was experiencing senioritist. I told her I wasn't because I had a goal in mind...to graduate with a 3.7 GPA. Right now I only have a 3.68. Maybe, just maybe, my scores were good enough this round to stop my slow decline and move back up again. So I'm excited about that!!!

As for the second part of my title...I'm taking a chance here and hoping that no one from my church reads this regularly. My family and I are changing churches. We've been going to our old one for 12 years. I have grown up there and still love it. We've started attending this neat church with and awesome youth group that has really been kind to my sister and I. However many tears have been shed. I didn't want to leave, not now. In 8 months I moving out and that means moving to far away to come back every single Sunday to visit. But now as I'm making friends with the youth it's hitting me that when I move I will have more people to say goodbye to. And that makes me sick. My original plan was to continue going to my old church on Wednesday until graduation. But I'm beginning to wonder if God has other plans. Since Sunday morning I have felt no peace about going back. I thought of all the people I have to say bye to and cried. But I desire something this church has to offer...I'm not sure what it is. Right now my emotions are mixed with excitement and fear. I love the people and they make me feel so comfortable and I have actually had fun with them. Friday we went and played broomball...and it was liek I had a new chance. So many of the girls were like "hey you can actually play, I'm just moving around like a weirdo" With my other yg I never felt good enough. Sadly some of those feelings would like to follow me into this one, but they are proving much better company. I have been there for like 3 weeks and already trust the yp and have a few friends on facebook and even some phone numbers. It seems this may be the place God has for us...but do I go back? Or do I just stay in touch in other ways? IDK...but God does and I think he's reveling his answer in the pit of my stomach. Ok that it's. Please be praying for my family...we could really use it.

Quote: "In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend he is Charlie Brown..." "It's Parson Brown...how do you sing so many song wrong??" - Two of my amazing new friends as we spent time signing Christmas carols.

Hmm...so now I talk about me?!

Me. The one that sometimes I think about to much...and sometimes not enough. If I am scared of the reactions of people, I don't think about them. If I know they will gladly accept whatever I am giving or saying...I will do it in a heartbeat.

So with that introduction here's the reason. My mom got tagged by another friend to write a blog only about her then she so graciously passed it on to me. At the end I will tag others...just cuz.

To start off I am a dreamer. I dream of my future...whether it's 5 mins or 5 years...I dream of what my life could be like if I take one of several paths available to me. I dream of who I might marry, how many kids I might have, what school I'll be teaching at and what subject. I dream...of course having to remind myself that dreams don't usually turn out the way we want them to so focus on reality not dreams.

I am really a "goody-to-shoes" (I don't think that's how it's spelled but I've never seen it spelled before) I HATE being in trouble or making a mistake. This often causes problems. My fear of making mistakes often creates more. Which then causes me to get upset because I messed up. My teachers love me, I turn in almost all my work (some classes won't get an assignment or two) I currently have a 3.68 GPA and am looking at it possibly going up after this amazing semester I had. I am every one's model student...which can sometimes be a good thing cuz now I can get away with some stuff others can't even in their senior year.

I have struggled with fear all my life. I have been scared of people leaving me (finally been set free from that one and enjoying my relationships) I've been scared of not doing well on test, of not doing something correctly, and of MANY other things. I've had to learn to trust God and let him take care of it all. For he has not given me a spirit of fear...so why not let him handle it all.

As you may have figured out already I am a perfectionist with many OCD tendencies. I like when things are in their place, I do many things the EXACT same way otherwise I will feel like I have forgotten a step. I walk out the doors at school the same way...down the same staircase. If something gets messed up I have to go back and start over (only exception is school when we have a time limit) I never take test out of order (unless I look ahead and know the answer and that if I wait I will forget) My friends often let me know how wacky I am!!

I LOVE music. I sing in choir at school and we just finished an amazing concert on Friday (which I'm still trying to figure out how to get our Mozart movement on here for you guys to listen to) Everyday I have to start with music. I often pick up lyrics very quickly and love to sing along to songs I know (or don't so well) Because of this I have to be VERY careful what I listen to. I can't just listen to a song for the beat because I will sing the words no matter what they say even if it is accidental it's part of who I am. So I do listen to Christan music about 95% of the time. Which may get funny looks from school but I learned my junior year that it just doesn't matter (now half the school knows cuz they just keep asking)

Alright now for my favorite things:

Bands: Way to many to list here. However if you consult the music player at the bottom of my blog you will get somewhat of an idea.

Books/Authors: My absolute fave author is Francine Rivers. You can read a review of one of her books about three blogs down. And again see the bottom of my blog for this list.

Movies: The Sound of Music, Transformers, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, Sweet Home Alabama, Elizabethtown, Music and Lyrics (and oh so many others)

Foods: Chicken and Rice (made my mom's way) Pizza, My friends Flautas, and now my minds has gone blank of foods I like to eat.

TV Shows: Wipeout, American Gladiators, Amazing Race, Eli Stone, Knight Rider

Sports: Basketball. I actually played for 8 years. Until God asked me to quite this year...but we'll see if he opens the door to intramural play in college.

Animals: Dolphins and Dogs. I actually have a dog (Sasha) who will one day move out with me...she is fully mine and I love her to pieces!!

Color: Purple...my whole room is purple

Genre of Music: Worship or Rock (and at this time of year Christmas...I'm actually listening to some right now!!)

Subjects: Chemistry, European History, and Choir

Quotes: This list could go on forever...just check out every blog I've written before. I love quotes...they are often so timely and come from all over: songs, camp speakers, etc.

So that's the end of me I guess. Of course ask me again in like a year and some of it may change. Especially considering that I'll be going into college next year. So now it's my turn to tag others. So here's the list...Spring Fricks, Casey and really those are all my friends with blogs so I guess those two will have to do.

Quote: "Healing takes longer if you don't reach out even in the midst of your hurt." - Rev. Spike from Youth America

And The Winner Is....

KelliGirl!! I hope her daughter will enjoy this magazine as much as I do. I'm not sure I will be able to stop getting it evne when I'm "to old to read it" It really is encouraging. It was so hard to choose just one (even though a website chose for me) because I just wanted to sign all of your kids up! But I can't...but God knows that.

Also the lotion will go to Danielle who may or may not keep it...it's all up to her now!

To all who entered...thank you! To those who won't receive either gift...I hope you will be blessed still. Well I will be trying to keep up with you guys.

I have so much more that I could write, but right now it's just a jumbled mess in my head. Have a blessed weekend! And if any of your teens have finals coming up...wish them luck for me! I only have two this semester...and those will more than likely be the last finals I take as a high school student cuz at my school seniors get to exempt all finals if everything is taken care of!

Oh one last thing. I had an AMAZING choir concert last night at school. I'm going to try and have some of my faves up before next weekend...like our Mozart movement we did. So be looking forward to that!!

Quote: "It's easier to hold hands with the world, but it's better to be held in God's hands." - Jenna Luccado

Cool Christmas Giveaway!!!

Alright...so it's Christmas time as we all know! And a lady my mom knows started this Cool Christmas Giveaway thing that already 103 people have signed up to do! As I read through many of the things I knew I wanted to join in but didn't know what to give away.

Well now I know but before I tell you the prizes I have to tell you a wonderful story. I LOVE BarlowGirl...always have always will! And there is a lady my mom found on the list giving away their new Christmas cd. She put her name in and told me about it, then I kept feeling like I should put my name in there as well. So I did. Then when I came home from church (after a wonderful encounter with God at church) I had an email from this kind lady telling me that she wanted to give me a copy of the cd. I literally began to cry and then determined I would find something! It was truely a kiss from my wonderful King who just wanted to say I love you!

So now for the things you can win!! I have two prizes.

One is a small set of strawberry lotion and body wash.

The other is a one-year subscription to one of the following three magazines. Brio (girls ages 9 - 16), Brio & Beyond (girls ages 16 - 21), or Breakaway (guys). If you are chosen you will have to let me know which you want and who to send it to.

To enter please tell me something you are thankful for (because everyday is thanksgiving when we serve such an amazing God). I will close this down on December 13, 2008.

Quote: "Thank You Jesus!" - Many through the years...