Trust, trust, and again trust, with a chunk of love!

Ummm yeah, word for the year, trust!

A few days ago things exploded! I had family things, friend things, and work things just kinda happen in a matter of days. I was uncomfortable every where I went and just couldn't relax. I would pray before sleeping, begging God to make it better while I slept. I didn't want to deal with it at all. I didn't even want to have to ask God to take it, I just wanted it gone. One day I didn't sleep well. I woke up 4 times during the night and the next morning was dreadful. I finally hit this moment when my emotions just broke through and I had to cry.

Finally, I grabbed my guitar hoping to soothe the pain I felt inside. I stopped crying, then I knew I needed to read God's word. So I prayed that He would show me something, anything! This is what I found in Numbers 20.

6. Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. 7. The LORD said to Moses 8. "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."

11. Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank. 12. But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."

My first reaction after I read was to get on my face and ask for God's glory appear to me and comfort me. Not a bad idea, and He did comfort me. The tears that had come again were gone and I had some peace. A little while later I came back to it and read it again, because I still felt bad. This time I caught verse 12! "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites..."

It was then that I realized I needed to trust God enough to do exactly what He says in order to show Him as holy, even if I'm told to wait. I have to trust enough to speak instead of strike. Sometimes I strike at God in anger and frustration. I strike at circumstances wishing them away. Instead of speaking the truth that with God anything is possible and all things work together for good!

Now to close the story, I still went through the day with deep sadness. God kept prompting me to talk to one of my friends and read my Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl book...pretty sure I didn't until the end of the day. I convinced myself that friend wouldn't care, until she asked a question she never asks and I knew God had opened the door. While texting her, I read my book. I was convicted to the point of tears that in all that had been going on I had been judging those who were hurting me. I was holding it against them. Once I recognized it and prayed about it...the deep sadness went away!!

So trust, with a chunk of love. I've slept really well since that day! And I've been asking God to help me keep my thoughts and words reflective of Him. I've made huge commitments with others to others to never speak anything dishonoring about certain people. That's a big deal! A challenge that excites me because I know God asked me to do it in this walk to learn to love others all the time!

Anyway, enough rambling!! I'm going to sleep! I hope this isn't to random for anyone, I just knew God wanted me to share.