Run.

First of all, I hate running. I mean as passionate as I am about learning guitar and playing it I am just as non-passionate about running! But recently God (yes, really!) told me I needed to start running. I have for the past 3 days and I feel pretty good about myself because I'm doing something good and I'm obeying God.

Through running God is teaching me to be disciplined even in areas I don't enjoy. Like in James when it talks about no disciple in easy, but painful...yeah that's running for you!

My first running day it took me almost 3 hours just to walk out the door! I was really dragging my feet about it. Even more so when I walked nearly a mile coming up with 1,000 reasons why I should not run.

Finally I turned the corner at the park track and the wind began beating into my face and I had to walk a little harder. For some reason I chose that moment to run. As I ran more this crazy thing happened...

The wind got harder and louder.

My legs began to burn.

My steady breaths threatened to become uncontrolled if I didn't concentrate on breathing.

I could no longer hear my feet hit the pavement.

The only way I knew I was moving was because my eyes stayed forward watching my determined stopping point get closer and I listened closely to the voice inside reminding me to breathe deep and to stay disciplined.

Then I reached my stopping point and I happily slowed to a walk. My breathing quickly became even again and my legs no longer felt like falling. It was then that I was reminded of my spiritual walk (or run) right now.

So many people get disappointed because they gave their life to Christ but things didn't get easier! They give up because He did not meet their idea of the gentle, loving, generous God they had been told about. Surely that God wouldn't allow bad to happen! Surely that God would keep them from trouble!

But walking with God is more often like running into the wind. You have to press against everything you once knew. You have to move away from the things that make you comfortable, like walking. Sometimes that wind becomes so loud you're not even sure if you are still moving because you can't hear anything else. Often your legs begin to burn because it is harder than anything you have done recently. Your breathing becomes labored and you have to concentrate.

But if you listen, you can hear that small voice telling you to breathe deep.

You know running will only make me stronger. It will only make me more capable for something. As long as I stay disciplined. When we stay disciplined in God we can only become stronger. Keep your eyes forward, focused on the one cheering you on through the storm. Once it's over your breathing will even out and your legs will be more prepared for the next challenge!

God is not out to get us, but someone else is. That struggle for your heart guarantees pain and suffering in your life. But I know that when I surrender and let God do His thing...all things work together for the good of those who love Him! (Romans 8:28)

John 16:33 also says this, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Late Night Thoughts

Currently it is 12:30 in the morning. By the time I finish this it will probably be closer to 1 or 1:30. See I really have not been sleeping well lately...and it could be my own fault. Holding on to too much, trying to figure things out, work out details that may or may not arise...letting go of that might allow more sleep!

But you know the last few days, weeks, and months even have really been a chance for me to learn so much. I mean you often hear that God is most relevant to you when you are struggling. You get on that mountain and forget who put you there. Once you reach that valley, you remember. Guess that is where God has taken me recently, through that valley to teach me more in the 9 months since graduation than I learned in 13 1/2 years of school. (Side note: I left 1st grade after a semester and restarted the next school year)

I really have learned a lot. From verses I've read, to things people have talked about, ABF classes, Bible studies, sermons, campus visits...just learning, growing, and seeking to get everything I can from God!

About a year ago I made the decision to stop the movement on plans I had made in 10th grade. I decided to stay at home, go to a community college, and keep working rather than leave my new job and church for a school 45 minutes away. It was the first time I actually prayed about a major decision. I struggled to understand why God would ask me to do things differently. I did not see any benefit coming from this change of direction, yet I knew deep in my heart that God had a bigger and better idea!

Tonight I met a guy who has written a book called Plan B . Basically it is this idea that things do not always go our way. Bad things happen. The road takes unplanned turns. Sometimes they hurt, a lot. Sometimes it causes friction in relationships. Sometimes it makes you question if God is there, if He is listening, if He even cares about you. Plan B isn't your plan. It isn't the easy road. It isn't in your control anymore. When you fall into Plan B, you fall into the tender hands of God as He says, "wait, I have something better for you."

If you had told me a year ago that I would be even considering going into ministry, I would have laughed. I would have told you that it just isn't practical to go into ministry. It's great for someone else, but me I need security somewhere! Now when someone says that to me, I feel for them. Because in a year I have realized that NOTHING of this world is ever guaranteed. I could get a PhD in Chemistry and not have a job. I could go to a 4 year university and be so in debt by the time I graduate I have to move in with my parents again. I could do it my way and totally fail. I could go my way and struggle just to finish college. I'm smart...college should not be a huge challenge for me, but if I'm outside God's will it could be!

Now I know security lies in the arms of my Savior! In Him I have more riches than a degree can buy. I have more joy than any fancy car can offer me. I have more peace than any amount of money can give me. I am wrapped up in the arms of my lover with peace overwhelming me in the storm, love seeking me in the garden, hope finding me in the darkness.

Guess what else, I am so excited about going into ministry! My passion and desire for life are growing everyday! I'm not just talking about passion for my life, but for the lives of others! I play guitar pretty much every day because it warms my soul just to have 10 minutes to praise God with it! I dream of leading people in worship. I see it every time I am practicing on stage at church even though I have never been on that stage in front of people! Today because I know that it's not about practicality but obedience, I am excited about something! I am excited about serving God not only in life but in career too!

So many verses that God has showed me and taught me in the last year run through my head as I write this. Because following Plan B is never easy, and many times it's hard to see how it could be in God's perfect will. I'm reminded of Romans 8:28 that promises us good. 2 Timothy 1:7 and Joshua 1:9 which tell us not to be afraid. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of His plan. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast our cares on Him. There are so many more!! I don't have my Bible right here so I'm not flipping through to find the ones I can't remember where they are haha.

If you are reading this, pray for me, for my family, for my friends, and those I come in contact with. I heard someone preaching one time say that when we are tested, whatever is in us is what will come out. Recently, some not so wonderful things have come out. I forget to love others. I forget to put them first. I become selfish and uncaring. I am not saying it's all been bad, I have had moments when I see God shining out of me instead of me and I can't help but love Him more! I'm sure all of you reading this totally understand both sides. We are human after all, not even God expects us to be perfect. That's why He sent Jesus, so He can be for us!

What about you? What has God been showing you? Through difficult times or simple ones, have you been pressing in and learning through every stage of life?

Dream On

We all have dreams. There are those dreams in the night, occurring only when asleep. Good ones that include dancing around to good music. Weird ones that find you dancing to good music surrounded by bunnies, butterflies, and rainbows in the sky. Bad ones that wake you up. Then there are those that you forget...don't try to remember, it will never work!

Of course there are those day dreams, the ones that occur when you are awake and supposed to pay attention to that teacher go on and on about x=5 and y=7...blah blah blah. You might day dream about that crush you've had for a week. Dreaming up exactly how you will respond when he magically asks you out. Or it could be about those presents you want so badly for your birthday in 364 days. Or it could just be about you in a pasture, teacher invisible, and sound unhearable (not sure that's a word), no more math!

Dreams are a part of our everyday lives, even if we don't remember them.

What about those others dreams? The ones that can effect the course of our lives. That dream to be an astronaut, veterinarian, doctor, rock star, actor/actress, pilot, firefighter, etc. Sometimes we lose sight of those dreams. We find out what it's really all about and suddenly no more veterinarian. We lose interest as the idea of being in space just doesn't sound as great. The worse though is when we declare it impossible. Sometimes it probably is, like if your voice is really bad or your acting skills need more work. Sometimes it's just not in the plan God has for us, but what we get is better than our childhood dream! But what if that childhood dream has even a chance of becoming reality?

Cue story:
I grew up loving music. My mom often tells the story of me being 2 and singing a (questionable) Reba song. I would dance at an age as young as 6-10 months I believe. My freshman year I joined choir. My director was quickly impressed with my ability and taught me well. By my sophomore year I was in A Capella with the best of them! But despite my love for music, I wasn't ready to give it a chance as a career. I wanted to teach, but teaching choir scared me. I was determined not to make it as a singer, there were so many that were better than me. My childhood dream of music anything was crushed by my own insecurities. I decided to dream safely. Be a teacher, with a 4-year degree making it impossible to fail, or so I thought.

By spring of my senior year I knew teaching was not for me. I loved being a part of others lives. I love pouring into those younger than me. But teaching would not satisfy my desire to see others grow spiritually...too many regulations and such. So I gave it up. Desire left me and I began to pray. I turned to God to give me His dreams. I pleaded with Him to make my next step clear to me. Within months my desire for the sensible and secure were replaced by this overwhelming desire to serve Him in everything! My call to ministry that I heard about 6 years back, was becoming something I actually saw as feasible.

I'm waiting to hear back from CFNI so they will tell me if I have been accepted or not. But really guys, this is amazing!! Just knowing that God has called me to ministry and beyond that I get to use my love for music too! It excites me to think I could stand in front of 2 people or 200 people (or even more) and lead people into His presence. The thought thrills me, in more ways than I can explain. So when you think about that next step. Seek after God's dream, the reality may surprise you...even if it goes differently than you expect. It cheesy but it applies here too: If He has called you to it, He'll get ya through it!

So grab hold of God and dream on with Him!! The results are irresistible...just cause you get to know Him more!

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9