Going CRAZY!!!

Ok well you would think after listening to this child cry for hours, I would never think of having kids right! Wrong, I've just decided it will be nice waiting for them to come...maybe like 10 years from now.

I've decided to stay away from the kid. Which will be hard cuz I love kids, you can ask anyone that knows me. And really I'm looking forward to the day that I have my own children, just as long as my parents stay at their home. Let's just say I've suddenly become worried about having my parents at my house when I have kids. Anytime the kid cries and I have her, i'm told what I'm doing wrong and how I have to do this and well never mind just give her to me. Ok let's look at this, right now I would think this would be an opportunity for my parents to teach me how to handle a smaller child. I've babysat for years but the youngest I've ever had is 6 months, of course they treat me like I have no expierence at all. I guess the reason I seem frustrated about that is because I'm really jsut jealous. My dad will be up in his office doing his own thing not bothering anyone, but Paisley cries and he's down there in less than a minuet. But when we need him or want him or ask him something while he's on that computer, it usually ends in us getting our heads chewed off or he puts us off until it's convienent for him.

It doesn't help that I'm facing being 18 and still TOTALLY dependent of my parents. Now before my b-day they quickly reminded me that they didn't leave home until my dad was 19 and my mom was 20 and had been married to him for a few months (they left a year apart). But really it's not the same. When they were 18 they both had jobs, a car, and my mom had already graduated high school...she really could have decided she was too sick of home to stick around for any reason. My dad hadn't graduated yet but still had some independence and didn't have to rely on his parents for everything. But I'm not sure either of them can't tell me the desire wasn't there. I guess I feel useless. I feel like I can't provide for myself when every part of me wants to. I can't escape the house especially right now because my license has expired. I desire some independence. Just a little please?? Maybe I'm overreacting, although I've had plenty of people tell me it's normal and happens to everyone. I've decided that 18 yr. olds have this chemical release that makes them want independence and the ability to finally care for themselves. I do wish my parents would stop acting like I don't listen to them. I can't seem to explain to them what I'm feeling and that makes this hard!! I want them to see that I'm trying hard to stick around and be happy about it and have a good attitude, but right now I feel like I'm just forcing it out of me. Oh well enough complaining.

Quote: "So help me God to let this go, to let this go. So help me God to break this hold to find myself."
- Fireflight (So Help Me God)