So Many Tears... 7/23/08

Well Wednesday was a very interesting day and honestly the day that stuck with many of us the most. We again started the day by cleaning up our dorm so it could be beautiful for the dorm checkers! The morning session was actually really hard to listen to. We split up guys and girls in separate rooms and some lady talked to us about how to remain close to God. It was lots of good information but she talked monotone and I was sleepy...not a good combination. In Morning Slam we had a competition between all the teams. They chose 2 people (a guy and a girl) from each team to do these crazy things. First one person had to stand on a chair while the other laid on the ground and the chair person had to drop chocolate covered marshmallows into the other persons mouth. That person had to transfer them to a bowl placed next to them. Our team lost that round and was eliminated! Then they did something else before having to eat crickets...nasty! A few of them almost threw up but managed to keep it all down. Then they had to pop balloons filled with shaving cream between their backs. Then one person had a sponge on their head while the other had a bowl behind them. They had to dip the sponges into ice cold water and squeeze it into the bowl off the other persons back! After that they had to drink this mix of food all blended together. I won't go into detail about what was in it...just know that it's gross to see 4 people throw up at the SAME TIME!!! Yeah I almost didn't make it through that one!!

After all of that Monica spoke to us again only this time talked about Righting What Evil has Wronged. She talked about what that means and why it's our job and things like that. It was easier to listen to because Monica has always found a way to catch my interest just by the way she presents things.


After all of that it was lunch time. Our Jr. High Youth Pastors had to leave before 3 that day so they could get home. They had no one to watch their kids after her parents left Thursday morning and his foot was swollen from when he sprained it the weekend before we left! Here's a pic of his foot so you can see why he left! Before they left we headed up to the rock wall so I could find my way up it and down the zip line!! I love zip lines!! I made it, even over the box they had in my way. The guy only helped me at the top when fatigue began to take it's toll. The rest of the way he actually gave me slack, so I felt very proud of myself for my accomplishments! After the youth pastors left we just hung around and waited for our high school yp's wife to arrive.

While we were waiting something in my spirit just felt a little off. I wasn't sad, but I wasn't joyful either. I wasn't enjoying myself and I just felt burdened by something. At dinner everyone else from my yg left except one girl who despite her young age tries so hard to uplift me. I just sat in my seat and cried. It was unexplainable. I headed back to the dorm and our yp had arrived and we chatted awhile about the happenings of the week. Before it was time to head out for service.

At service this guy named Wayne Northrup spoke. He was like super hyper and obviously had like ADD/ADHD because if he wasn't talking his mouth was moving somehow. He paced the stage the whole time and when he sat down he just fidgeted! He talked about our story. He asked us what our story was. He read to us about the woman with the blood problem that stopped him on his way to heal a girl by reaching out to him. He talked about us being commanded to come to him as little children and he asked what children always do. They always interrupt their parents so that they can have their attention. He talked about the blind man in Jericho who shouted through the crowd "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me." These people interrupted God so they would have his full attention so that they could find their healing. He challenged us that if we were in need of anything...then one by one we were to stand up and shout (not speak) "Jesus, have mercy on me, I need you!" One by one we stood and shouted. The room was filled with moans of agony and tear filled screams. They kept standing I was like the 4th person and was just praising God. From every corner you heard someone shout those exact words. Then it hit me. What I had said, what I had just done hit me. What I was scared of hit me. And I began to pray..."God help me. I'm scared of going to school. I'm scared of standing alone." And then I went deeper and said "No I'm terrified...help me!" And suddenly I began to weep. The tears that I had held off came like a rushing waterfall. Then after we had finished and there were no more shouts he called the leaders to the front to face the students. The tears just kept falling. He said students I want you to when I say go find leader, go to them and tell them your story. Tell them whatever it is you need to get out and tell them your story. Interrupt God tonight and find your healing. After he said go we headed like a tidal wave to the front. We knew this was our chance. As I stood in traffic I felt something within me desire to turn around. So I did and noticed there were others at the back that no one had seen. I zoned in on one girl but ignored anything that may have said go to her. I turned back around only to be told by the UCrew (ushers) to head to the back. I followed the crowd to turned left like everyone else. I watched as people found a person and I walked by about 3 open people and never felt a need to stop. I looked ahead and noticed that for some reason there was like a hole between 2 people. I watched about 10-15 people walk right by never thinking twice about it. I got there and looked over and realized it was the same girl I had seen the first time I turned around. She reached out and grabbed me and just held me. She let me cry until I could calm down enough to speak. Once I did it all came out. And she held me tighter and just began to pray. I told her of my fear of going back to school. I told her of my past, of the hurts, of the sins...and she only held me tighter. She prayed that my past would no longer hold me back...this girl was truly hearing from God cuz I never told her that. She prayed that my fear would be gone and His strength loosed in my life. But more than that she let me cry. I didn't realize until that moment how much I still hurt and how much I was tired of crying alone. How much I had desired someone to just hold me while God and I had our encounter. And she did just that, she held me, she pryaed over me, and let God do all the work in my life. Her shirt was so wet. At one point I thought maybe I was okay that I could go back and be fine...but for some reason I couldn't. She read it perfectly and stayed with me until I was controlled enough to speak again. Before I left she encouraged me to read my Bible everyday. Even if all I could get was 3 minutes a day in...God could still work in my life. She assured me that it would be boring, but that was just something that we would have to work through and persevere. She told that if each night before going to bed I took the time to rebuke Satan's hold in my life and the lives of my family and in my house...that he would have no foothold. She left me with one final prayer and a hug. I went back with my youth group and me and 2 other girls just sat there in tears for the next 30 mins. I will never forget her or the impact she made in my life just for the 45 mins that I was with her.

This has really been hard to write. I wasn't expecting it to be and for some reason I find myself in tears again. I thank God so much for working through her to speak into my life and I know He will bless her for reaching out to me!

Quote: "Passion demands expression" - Natalie Pankratz