It All Seems Surreal!!

So 18 years ago June 25, 1990 I was born into this world for a God-given purpose. Sometimes I'm still not sure what that purpose is...but I do know this now. I am to teach, I am to love, I am to forgive, I am to hurt (not others), I am to heal, I am to give all the glory back to him! As of today I am officially 18. The age every child desires and some dread. I am both. I have been counting down the years since I was about 6!! At that point it just couldn't come fast enough!! Then around age 16 I began to realize that I missed my innocent childhood. Some of it may be that I never allowed myself to have one. At age two I would listen to my parents fight. At 4 I would hide my sister from hearing them herself. At 6 I found out the dark family secret. At 12 I became a Christian and my life became hell. At 14 I fell into a dark deep trap. At 16, I found my freedom in Christ, though not done fighting, it's sooo much easier now!! Now the state sees me as an adult. However I'm still living at home, and will be for the next year because I still have to finish high school! My brain is pulling away from the family, I feel it everyday. Days when I want out so badly it takes everything within me to stick around. I dream of the day that I move out and start my own life, start moving toward my own career, but God has again asked me to wait.

One thing I have found is that God only asks us to wait because we still have some growing to do. We wait because at the end of waiting is something bigger than we can imagine. Anything that God asks us to wait for must be worth it, otherwise he wouldn't ask us to wait. I have often wondered this summer why I couldn't graduate this year and be gone from the school I want out of so badly. But he has asked me to wait, much to my complaining, He's asked me to push forward so that I can find my purpose and fulfill his plan. He's asked me to wait because he has something in mind that right now I have no idea what it is, but if God asks me to wait, it must be worth it!

It's worth waiting to grow up. Gaining all new experiences and learning how to let God run your life and let him be in control. If we all started at the age of 20 would we have any wisdom? I doubt it, because the things we go through from 1-19 make us who we are.

Now really I'm looking forward to when I get to begin the next chapter of my life. But for now I must be content with where I am. Oh but it is HARD!! There is a huge part of me that says "Let me go now, let me move on, let me go somewhere, let me get my life started!!" And calmly he replies, "Just wait, I've got plans bigger than you, better than you, because I am God, I know what I'm doing, just give me time work it out. Just slow down" So as I enter this new year and await my time before moving out and moving forward, pray for me. That God would give me the patience I need to wait for his time, not my own, that I would allow him to work in my life and not try to rush things to much. Despite my "reaching adulthood" I'm still young. Yea I might get a little more freedom, if not from the parents the state at least, but really I still have to grow some, or else I wouldn't be waiting.

Quote: "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this"
- Trace Adkins